Tales From The Oubliette
by Special Operative Blaire
Summary: A collection of Excel Saga one-shots, straight from yours truly! ;D
1. Just in Time

**Okay, a few things before we get into this.**

1: I wrote this purely because I was bored and I've been wanting to right an Excel Saga fic for a while now.

2: If Excel seems a littles less crazy, that's because I based this oneshot off the manga version, which is not quite as....silly as the anime.

3: Also, if you don't have much of a history with Excel Saga, this stuff may be a bit difficult to follow. If anything doesn't make sense, or seems too random, well, that's basically how the series is supposed to be-senseless and random. 

**4: I don't own anything related to Excel Saga. Nothing at all. =3**

**5: Enjoy!**

"Hail Ilapalaz-ack!"

That was the typical line uttered by one Excel Excel, well almost. That surprised 'ack'? Most definitely not typical, even for her. Now, the cause of this uncharacteristic utterance? Why, her fellow colleague, Hyatt, falling on top of her in one of her usual moments of death.

"Hatchan! If you're going to die, at least don't do it on me! Especially not in the middle of my greeting the wonderful Lord Ilapalazzo!" Excel yelled, pushing the dead girl off her body.

"Now," the deranged agent of the ideological organization of ACROSS-and no, do not ask me what that means, for I do not know- began, tapping her chin as she raised an eyebrow. "What was I do-" Realization hitting her, she snapped her fingers. "But of course! How could Excel forget?!"

"Hail Ilapalazzo!" Excel cried at the top of her lungs-an event that was pretty much the norm for her.

The leader of ACROSS raised an eyebrow at his senior agent's loud tone of voice. For some reason, it seemed especially strident this morning-an unusual feat considering this was Excel we're talking about. But before Ilapalazzo could begin to wonder just how the crazed girl managed to manipulate her vocal cords, another voice caught his attention. This as a much softer, more fragile sounding voice. And unlike Excel, this one didn't make him cringe in annoyance.

"Hail…Ilapalazzo…" Hyatt managed to get out, just pulling herself from death's grasp.

"Ah yes," the ACROSS leader started to say, clearing his throat. "Very nice. Excel," he turned to the blonde girl in question, his yellow, cat-like eyes narrowed. "You sound especially…euphoric today."

"Why thank you Lord Ilapalazzo! That's just the thing Excel was going for! And what, you ask, is making her all the more joyful? Why it happens to be-"

The rope.

Oh, the rope.

That light grayish clump of cords weaved in and out, in and out. That tassel at the end. It was a sight Excel knew all too well. She had only gotten glimpses of it, but she had received so many small foretastes it was almost as if she had gazed upon it for hours.

And she knew just what it meant.

When that line was lowered to Ilapalazzo's eye level-by no physical work from the man himself, Excel knew just what was about to happen. And as the leader of ACROSS wrapped a gloved hand around that rope, it was only just a matter of time…

Ilapalazzo tugged the line once, and a panel opened up in the floor-right beneath Excel's feet. The blonde gave a single shrilling scream as gravity took over and pulled her into the abyss that was the oubliette. Down she fell, for who knows how long-not even me and I'm the one writing this fic-until suddenly, her world grew cold and dark.

Not to mention wet.

And as the translucent blue liquid filled her lungs, Excel thrashed her arms and legs about, trying to pull herself from the water's grip. It took some doing, but the ACROSS agent managed to break the surface of the water, letting out what could only be described as a mix between a gasp and a cough.

Taking a moment to collect herself, Excel leaned against the brick wall. Her palms and the right side of her face were planted against the small parapet, her blonde hair plastered against her head. She gasped for breath. And yet…and yet she could not help but crack a small smile. Despite it all, falling down the oubliette did have that nice fun factor.

**"**_At least this time there's no Excel-eating creature around."_

That jinxed it. For as soon as that thought finished its run through her head, Excel felt something clamp around her leg. What felt like little needles pierced the skin-hard-, sending flashes of white hot pain up and down the girl's limb. She screamed once, her head thrown back. It was then, out of the corner of her eyes, that she spotted the cause of her pain.

Coiling itself around her body, was a snake.

A big snake.

No, make that a huge snake.

No make tha…well, let's just say, if that serpent wanted to swallow Excel whole-most likely as a meal-it could manage. Quite well, in fact.

Wide-eyed, Excel called out to the two above, as she scrambled to get back up to the surface, fingering any gaps in the bricks she could find on her climb. "Lord Ilapalazzo! Hatchan! Save me!"

No answer. Not even a dying gasp from Hyatt. Excel cringed as the snake tightened itself around her body. "_Damn, I never thought this was **that **far down! How am I supposed to let Lord Ilapalazzo know that I need_…." "Don't cut off my breath don't cut off my breath don'tcutofmybreathdon'tcutoffmybreath!" she shouted in a rapid, high-pitched voice, as the snake squeezed itself ever so tighter around Excel.

But this only made her that much more determined to reach the surface. And as her lungs grew weak, and the pumping of her heart slowed down, Excel continued to clamber up the walls. Several times, she very nearly lost her grip. And she would have too, had it not been her love for Ilapalazzo, combined with her usual 'Excelishness'-called that because I can think of no other 'word' or 'phrase' that best describes her at this moment-that kept her going.

There was no piece of a wall above her-Excel's hands touched air. Air! Which could only mean one thing. Lifting her head up, the ACROSS agent could see Hyatt standing near her, just where she had been before. Of course, the puddle of blood oozing around her suggested her subordinate officer had been at death's door at least once while Excel was in the pit.

And there, several tiles in front of them, was Ilapalazzo, standing in front of his throne. Excel broke into a wide smile upon seeing him, the blush on her face mixing in with the blue that was seeping through her skin.

And speaking of which, there was still that snake wrapped around her. Now would be a good time for her to get that serpent off of her. Any later and poor Excel could be as dead as Hyatt was a moment ago. Thus, it happened to be fortunate that the snake's tail was dangling very close to the wall in front of her.

With the last of her strength, Excel lifted a foot up and planted the toe of her boot firmly in the tail of the snake. The reptile let out a pained hiss, loosening the coils around the girl's body. With a free hand, the ACROSS agent pushed down on the serpent's heading, coaxing it off her. None too gently though.

That did it. The snake slipped off Excel. A loud splash was heard the reptile hit the water. And then, silence. Breathing an inwardly sigh of relief, Excel, still hanging from the ledge, rested her head in her arms.

"Thus," Ilapalazzo began, not paying any attention to his senior agent. "Our mission today will be…"

As the leader of ACROSS told of this latest assignment, a satisfied grin crossed Excel's face.

_"Just in time."_


	2. Like Dust In The Wind

**Once again, I don't own Excel Saga. And enjoy! **

_"That light…so bright. So warm…So…welcoming…."_

Gradually, her world had been growing colder, darker, until that moment when a warm ray of light touched down upon her, like a spotlight for someone who was participating in her very last performance. For this young woman was dying, fading away like dust in the wind.

And as she took her final breath, the woman that stood beside her…simply watched with a look of annoyance, her head shaking.

"Hatchan, Hatchan, Hatchan. This is the fourth time in-" she glanced at her watch-which had not been there before, but for the sake of this fanfic, and the fact that this is an Excel Saga fanfic and things like this are par for the course, we'll just say that a watch magically appeared on her wrist and won't be seen again until she has to use it again.

"-Five minutes that you've died on me."

The dead woman-make that _formerly_ dead woman, who was of course, Hyatt, slowly rose to her feet. "I'm sorry Senior Excel. My condition is especially bad this week. I guess because last week I only died once a day, my system has to balance things out."

Excel tapped her left temple. "Yes, I suppose that is possible. I just hope you stay alive long enough for us to get back to the apartment."

Hyatt swayed to one side, her face turning a rather nasty shade of blue. "I-I don't think that's going to be possible, Senior…" The brown-haired woman coughed once, hacking up a fair amount of blood in the process. Then, with but a sigh, she collapsed onto the sidewalk, dead as a doornail.

Excel placed a hand on her head, her fingers digging into her blonde hair. "Hmm. Well, I guess I'd better revive her," she said to herself, kneeling down to her friend's level. Gently, she shook Hyatt's shoulders.

"Come on, Hatchan. Wakey, wakey. Rise in shine Hatchan, it's a beautiful morning!" Excel declared with a grin.

No response. The blonde girl blinked once, her head tilted to the side. "Okay, so that didn't work too well. Maybe I should raise my voice. And shake her harder. Yes, that'll work! That'll work _perfectly_!" Excel exclaimed, snapping her fingers together.

Tightly, she grabbed Hyatt's shoulders and shook her as hard as she could muster. "Hatchan! Hatchan! Wake up! Rise and shine!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

Still no response. "Dammit!" Excel cried, slamming her fist onto the concrete in frustration. "And I was so sure that would work! Now what do I-" It was at that very moment a chilling thought entered the mind of the senior ACROSS agent.

"I wonder what would happen if, by some cruel twist of fate, that no matter what I did, Hatchan would not awaken?" Excel shook her head to clear those thoughts out of it.

"No, that's ridiculous! This is Hatchan I'm talking about! She can be dead for hours and then…" she slammed a fist into her palm. "Wham! She's back on her feet! She'll be fine!"

All at once, Excel grabbed Hyatt and hoisted her up onto her shoulders. "No sense in just standing on the sidewalk waiting for her to revive. I can do that back at the apartment! And away I gooooooo!!!!" In a burst of speed, the blonde took off, here feet spinning like the wheels on a car-and yes, I know this is based on the manga version, in which fewer rules can be broken. But I say screw the rules, I'm the author! Adding a few anime elements here and there is not going to ruin the story. Now, if I was to add a Mary Sue, or something…

But anyway, back to the story.

And so, Excel managed to carry Hyatt all the way to their apartment, which was a good two or three miles away from the sidewalk where the latter had collapsed, in the span of nine minutes. Yes, nine minutes. And don't ask me how that's possible, for even though I am the author, I do not know how. Anyway…

"Menchi! We're back!" Excel announced at the top of her voice. Hearing that, the small dog-slash-emergency food supply gave a panic yelp. "**Don't eat me! Don't eat me!"** she cried-of course to Excel, her cries only translated to simple barks and whines.

"What is up with you, Menchi?" the blonde asked, setting Hyatt down on the floor. "Did someone break in while Hatchan and I were out?" She took a moment to look around the room of the apartment. Everything seemed in order-none of the windows were broken, there wasn't anything scattered around the floor that shouldn't be, nor was there any evidence someone broke the lock on the door.

"Well," Excel said, shrugging her shoulders. "Things seem to be alright. O-kay!" she suddenly cried, pumping a fist into the air. "It's time to revive Hatchan!!"

And that's just what she did…or, what she tried to do. And no matter what she did, be it shaking her violently and yelling in her ear, pouring freezing cold water all over her body, hell, even dangling a ringing alarm clock to her ear, Excel could not get poor Hyatt back into the land of the living. This went on for, oh about ten or so hours.

"I don't understand it. Hatchan's never been dead for this long. The longest I remember her being so was about…four hours." Excel's eyes widened as she had a relapse of that horrible thought that was several paragraphs before.

"What if…what if this _is_ it for Hatchan? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" She cried, running back and forth across the room, her hands to her head. In her panic, she looked rather silly-in any other circumstance, a person would be laughing their head off if they saw her.

Menchi panicked too, but for a completely different reason. Every time Excel ran past, she very nearly stepped on the canine's tail. The dog yelped in response, only to be ignored by the ACROSS agent as she ran past. Finally, Menchi got fed up with this and tried to locate a safer place. Say, under the table.

Shortly afterwards, however, Excel, exhausted from running around, managed to calm down considerably. "Okay," she began, an idea slowly emerging inside her mind. "There may be another thing I could do. If this doesn't work, I don't know what else will. After all, I can't ask a doctor to revive her, as that would risk giving out Hatchan's secret condition. So, I shall continue to take matters into my own hands!" she cried out, raising a finger in the air.

"Into the kitchen I go!" Excel shouted, speeding off into that very room. There, she set about making a concoction to revive her subordinate officer. Into a boiling hot kettle she put in some stuff that would most definitely not go together well. But Excel had a feeling that her 'remedy' would work well.

In the span of a little over an hour, the young woman had managed to create a rather vile looking substance. Using a ladle, she poured some of it into a small soup bowl. "Perfect. Now to-"

"Senior?"

Excel cried out once, throwing the bowl into the air in surprise. In ire, she quickly turned around to see Hyatt standing behind her. "Hatchan! What is the big idea scaring me like that!?"

"I'm sorry about that Senior Excel," the brunette said, rubbing the back of her head. "For some reason, it took me quite a while to revive and I don't know why. I see it is dark out. How long was I dead?"

"About ten…Hatchan!" Excel suddenly exclaimed, grabbing Hyatt by the shoulders. "You're alive! Whew! Guess I won't need to use that remedy after all."

"Then things turned out well, right?"

"Precisely! Though come to think of it," Excel began, tapping her chin. "What _did_ happen to my concoction? I had the bowl in my hands, and then you came up, and then-"

She got no further. For at that moment, the bowl slammed down onto her head, spilling its contents onto her body. And that stuff was hot, so very hot.

There was much screaming in that apartment for a few minutes. No one knows just what stopped it. A group of next door neighbors heard a crash, but they didn't think too much of it, seeing as how such things were normal at that apartment room. One of them did decide to check on Hyatt, whom managed to convince him that everything was A-OK.

And that's where our oneshot ends. As for what happened to poor Excel? Well, let's just say that her head is going to be tender for _days_.


	3. Despair!

**And here I am, with yet another chapter. Again, Excel Saga isn't mine. And now, on with the story! **

"Menchi! We're home!"

That voice. Oh, that voice! That annoying, sometimes gravelly voice! Just the very sound of it sent shivers down her spine. For that voice belonged to the one, the only, Excel Excel.

That day was still fresh in the mind of the small white dog. The rushing water sweeping her through the streets of Fukuoka City. The sight of things floating with her, some objects threatening to crush her between them in them and a building. And that voice. Oh, that voice!

_Dinner!_

_Dinner._ That was the first word the canine clearly heard coming from _her_ mouth. There were other words before, but they had just been mumblings to the young dog. The canine remembered Excel jumping off her bike into the water. She recalled clearly the way the blonde swam after her, with unusual enthusiasm. Oh the dog had tried to get away, she really did. But all that swimming to escape the rapids before had tired her out. Thus, Excel caught her easily enough.

_Oh, I'm just kidding! It's OK…I'm not sooo desperate that I would eat a puppy._

If only that had been true. Because from that day on, the canine had become Excel's-and later on Hyatt's-emergency food supply. She even was given a name to 'symbolize' this;

Menchi.

Fortunately for the dog, she had managed to avoid being a meal this whole time. Though it most certainly was not easy. For there had been many of times when Excel and Hyatt-the former usually-tried to turn her into some kind of food item. This usually happened when they were extremely short on cash and, of course, out of real food.

Such as they were now.

As soon as she opened the door, Excel had immediately headed for the kitchen-Menchi had taken to hiding underneath the table. A rather large smile was on the ACROSS Agent's face as she wrapped a hand around the fridge handle.

"I am feeling rather peckish right now. So, I shall treat myself to a rather large submarine sandwich!"

Nothing.

That whole refrigerator was completely devoid of any sort of edible item. Even the ice trays lacked something inside of them.

"Okay," Excel muttered, closing the door. "So there's nothing in the fridge. I'm sure the cupboards have some delectable munchies I can sink my teeth into!"

Still nothing. The young woman looked through every single cupboard in the apartment, only to find dust and cobwebs. Neither of which were edible.

'Hatchan, do you have any idea where there's food in this place?"

Hyatt shook her head at this question. "I'm sorry Senior. But I don't have a clue."

"Okay then," Excel said, resting a finger against her chin. "It appears that we are sans food." It was at that very moment that a sinister, evil gleam appeared in those emerald green eyes.

"Well, not quite."

_Despair!!!_

Menchi heard clearly what the ACROSS Agent had just said-and knew exactly what it meant. Trying not to make a sound, the white-furred dog slipped out from under the table and slowly made her way to the door. Maybe, just maybe, one of those guys from next door would come. Then, she'd quietly slip out the open door.

Alas, it was just not to be.

"Menchi!" Excel called out at the top of her lungs, surprising the young canine. "Where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are!"

"Um, Senior? I have-" Hyatt began, only to be cut off by Excel, who had just discovered Menchi by the door.

"Ah-ha! There you, you little emergency food supply, you! Now come on, don't make Excel hungrier then she already is, m'kay?"

"**No way! There must be something else you can eat! Are you sure you checked the cupboards well enough? Perhaps there are a few crusts of bread you can have? Hey, even one crust may save me from becoming a Menchi cutlet! Don't eat me, don't eat me, don'teat me, don'teatme, don'teatme, don'teatme, argh!**

At that precise moment, Excel grabbed the young canine, a half-crazed grin on her face. "Yes! Yes! Now Excel won't be hungry! You shall provide adequate sustancy-type sustenance!"

"Uh, Senior?"

Menchi struggled to get out of Excel's grip, thrashing this way and that. The white furred dog let out a series of whines and whimpers, all of which Excel ignored. The ACROSS Agent entered the kitchen with a joyful, if not downright sinister grin on her face. She set Menchi on the counter then, before producing a cook book seemingly out of nowhere.

"Let me see here," Excel began, flipping through the pages. Meanwhile, Hyatt decided to make one final bid to get her senior officer's attention;

"Senior Excel?" she asked, once again.

That had done it. For Excel's eyes roved upwards, away from the black print of the cookbook. "Yes Hatchan?"

"It's about our part-time job today, the one where we were waitresses?"

"Yes, what about it?" Excel asked, wondering what her friend and follower officer was getting at.

"Well, it's like this. It seems as if the people I served were a bit impressed with me. So they gave me a bunch of tips," Hyatt answered, producing from her pocket a good sum of cash. It wasn't a whole lot, of course, but it would be enough for both to have a small meal at a fairly cheap restaurant.

There was a gleam in Excel's eyes once again. Only this time, instead of being a sinister, evil one, this glint was one of cheerful enthusiasm. "Hatchan, this is great! With this, we can buy ourselves some food! We can eat out to celebrate! I know of a good restaurant not too far from here! Let's go!"

Before Hyatt could protest or say anything of the sort, her superior clutched her wrist. The blond excitedly ran out the door, pulling Hyatt along with her.

And so, Menchi was saved from becoming dinner.

For now.

For that money was not going to last long, especially considering Excel's voracious appetite. They would be back and they-Excel at least-would try and make a meal out of her again.

No! This little white dog would not allow it, no! Something has to be done. Something _shall_ be done! Something _will_ be done!

There was only one option:

Escape.


	4. Expensive Tastes

**A.N: Despite the fact that this is supposed to be a collection of _one_shots, we are going to be continuing from where we left off that last little tale. Why, you ask? Because the author, that's me, really liked the way the story was going. However, she didn't want to make her previous one shot excessively longer than the other two she wrote. Therefore, she is going to split the idea she had for her last story into not one, but two one shots. Which would effectively make the Despair! arc a three shot. And she is talking in the third person for some bizarre reason.She must also say-or _I_ must also say that I don't own Excel Saga. If I did…then…hmm…I'm not sure what would happen, but it would be epic. ;) Anyway, on with the fic!**

When we last saw Excel, she was trying to make Menchi into a cutlet. However, Hyatt-who miraculously did _not_ die during the whole one shot-intervened by showing the blonde some tips she had received from her part-time job. Seeing this, Excel had become quite excited, proposing that they eat out at a restaurant.

And, that's just where they were at this particular moment in time.

The two ACROSS Agents stood in front of a rather ornate-and likely very expensive-Italian restaurant. And no, I do not know if Fukouda, where this takes place, really has Italian restaurants. But since this is fiction-and more importantly, Excel Saga fiction, I shall not worry about things like that and instead focus on making this a good, funny story.

Anyway, as I was saying, Excel and Hyatt had found themselves in front of an Italian restaurant. Oh should I say _Excel_ found herself standing in front of an Italian restaurant. Hyatt was…lying on the pavement, dead as a doorknob.

"Hatchan!" Excel cried, hoping to rouse the brown-haired woman from her deathly slumber. Somehow, it worked, and Hyatt was brought back to the land of the living.

"Uh, Senior?" the ACROSS Agent began, taking a long, hard look at the building in front of them. "Doesn't this place look a little expensive?"

"Nonsense!" Excel proclaimed, clearly in denial. "We have plenty of money to buy ourselves a meal or two!" Suddenly, she tightly gripped Hyatt's wrist and began to run inside, dragging the unwitting brunette along for the ride.

The interior of the bistro was just as luxurious as the outside-and considerably more so. For instance, the tables in the dining room were lined up in neat rows, the tops of them being well-polished marble. An ostentatious chandelier hung from the domed ceiling, each and every shard of glass shining with brilliant radiance. Paintings hung on the walls, spanning such famous artists as Da Vinci and Van Gogh. And upper-class citizens, dressed in tuxedos and flowing white dresses, dined on fine fare.

Yep, Excel and Hyatt were sure out of their element here.

"Would you look at this? The ignorant masses, all dressed up and having a formal dinner with each other" Excel noted.

"They must be very rich to be able to eat at a place like this," Hyatt simply responded.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" the blonde-haired girl asked suddenly, "Let's get ourselves something to eat!" With those words said, Excel sprinted over to the front desk, a hungry look in her emerald eyes.

"I'd like a table for two, kay?" the ACROSS Agent asked. Such a sight prompted a raised eyebrow from the man working the counter.

"_She sure doesn't look like an upper-class woman._" the guy thought, looking Excel over. "_Most unusual._"

"Excuse me, what about our table?" Excel inquired, leaning forward, staring the man right in the eyes-he leaned backwards in surprise, his eyes wide.

"Ah yes," he stuttered, speaking with a distinct Italian accent, "I shall-a get it ready-a for you-a."

"Did you hear that Hatchan? We're about to get something to eat!" Excel joyfully cried out. "Thank goodness, I'm starving! Aren't you, Hatchan?"

No answer.

Excel made a second attempt; "Uh, Hatchan?"

Still no response. Excel glanced around the room, trying to locate any sign of Hyatt. Soon, a thin rivulet of blood caught the deranged ACOSS Agent's eyes. Like a detective scouring a fresh set of footprints, the blonde followed the trail of viscous red liquid until she reached…

"Hatchan!"

The fellow agent of ACROSS lay on the ground, blood pooling around her body. Stifling a cry of alarm, Excel backed up from the sight. It wasn't the blood that sent a shock through her systems. After all, she had seen _that_ from Hyatt so much it no longer phased her. It was that she knew if someone working at the restaurant saw this gory scene, the two members of ACROSS would be thrown out.

Which would result in neither of them getting any food at that café, obviously.

"_Oh shit…what am I going to? If anyone sees this…dammit! Okay, first things first. Time for Operation Revive Hatchan!_" she mentally cried out, raising a finger in the air.

Using the Epically Awesome Ability to Pull Objects From Out of Nowhere (A.K.A, Hammerspace), Excel conjured up an alarm clock. Yes, an alarm clock. Now, I'm sure all you clever readers can figure out that using an alarm clock to wake somebody up would be a bad idea if one was trying _not_ to draw the attention of others. But, Excel did not think of that logic and as a result, well you can probably figure this one out.

"Wakey, wakey Hatchan," the blonde whispered, holding the clock by her friend's ear. Right on cue, there was a shrill ringing sound. The clock shook in turn, sending vibrations into Excel's hand with forces so violent that it caused the ACROSS agent herself to quaver.

"D-damn…I-I w-w-wasn't e-e-expecting t-t-t-this…."

Now, miracously, Hyatt heard the ringing and just as miracously awakened from her death slumber. Unfortunately, the brunette was not the only one in which the alarm reached her ears.

"What the hell-a is-a going on-a here?"

"_Oh shi-_"

What cut Excel's thoughts was the sound of a shrill, ear piercing scream. Standing before the ACROSS Agent was a woman in her mid-twenties, wearing a silk dress of deep crimson, black high heels, white pearl earrings, with salon-styled black hair…

…And skin as white as the table cloths in that café.

Wide-eyed, she pointed a shaky finger at the pool of blood on the ground, and screamed further still. Thinking fast, Excel grabbed a still drowsy Hyatt and attempted to high-tail it. Unfortunately, she did not get far. For as she headed for the door, one of the waiters slid seemingly out of nowhere in front of the mentioned entrance.

"Time to make a quick u-turn!" Excel declared. A screeching sound emitted from her shoes as she made a sharp turn towards the direction she came from. But once again, she found herself in a bit of a pickle.

It was Hyatt who indirectly caused everything to crash. Still a bit weak after being in the throes of death, she allowed herself to be dragged along by Excel. As her superior ran through the diner, Hyatt felt herself collide right into one of the legs of a table. Well folks, you can guess what happened next. The table tipped over, sending Excel and Hyatt crashing down with a dull thud.

"Dang it…." Excel muttered under her breath, rubbing a contusion that had materialized upon her head. The ACROSS Agent's eyes roved upwards suddenly, where she found herself surrounded by all matter of waiters, customers, and cooks. Tensely, she tried to make her way to her feet…

Only to feel someone gripping her shoulder. Excel turned her head to see her captor, one of bistro's waiters. A very tall, muscular waiter that is. Beads of nervous sweat slowly cascaded down her face as the young woman's eyes met his. There was a brief moment of silence, neither one saying a word. Time seemed to stand still as the two stared each other down.

It all happened so fast. One moment Excel was looking straight into her captor's eyes and the next a blur of color filled her sight. The blonde-haired ACROSS Agent found herself at the mercy of gravity-as she flew through the air, she soon realized her elevation was steadily decreasing. It was only a matter of time until her head put an aperture in some sort of surface.

As if she was a human homing missile, Excel landed perfectly in the middle of the nearest building wall, Hyatt hanging limping beside her. The typical hyperactive teen moaned in pain as the soft sound of rocks falling from the partition filled her hearing. Slowly, she slid down to terra firma, leaving an Excel-shaped dent in the edifice.

"Senior Excel?"

Excel slowly raised her head up, rubbing her fingers through her now dirty blond hair-that small contusion from before had swollen to a practical goose egg. "You know Hatchan," she replied, acknowledging the brunette. "Sometimes I wonder about those ignorant masses-throwing us out and not giving us any food. Can you believe that? Excel can't. And she's going to do something about it! Come on Hatchan, we're heading to the nearest clothing store!"

For the briefest of moments, Hyatt simply watched Excel run off. The brunette wondered just how her superior could have such boundless energy; it was unrealistic. (Not that dying multiple times in a single day could be considered normal in and of itself.) Still, she had a good idea. But as Hyatt began to take a few quick steps to catch up to Excel, one thing constantly ran through her mind;

"I still think that placed looked a little expensive."


End file.
